The Dating Box
by:
Devlyn Steele
Weather you are actively dating
or just getting back into dating, it is a world full of possibilities.
However, most of us are creatures of habit and our patterns keep us in
a dating box, searching for and dating the same types over and over.
Making contact online, you first
have to find people that interest you by searching the dating
website’s membership. Online the dating box is literal, as
you have to fill in web forms to find potential dates. Most dating
sites give you two ways to search – quick or advanced. Quick
searches are just that – they’re small web forms
that let you search based on just a few criteria, like location or age.
Advanced searches are larger web forms that let you search using lots
of more specific criteria, like hair color, eye color, education, body
type and more.
Just remember that the more
criteria that you use for your searches, the fewer results
you’ll get. Searches are unforgiving –
they’ll return exactly what you ask for. We call them
“harsh numbers”. When you choose an age range of,
let’s say, 30-39, the person who just turned 40 will not show
up in the search results. If you want to find someone with light brown
hair, those great dark brown haired people…like
me…will be cast aside.
Also, many sites let you use
keywords as part of the search criteria. This allows a search for words
in a member’s profile that match your areas of interest. You
can search specifically for words like “tennis”,
“skiing”, or something else. This lets you be
super-specific if you wish.
Although you want to find
someone that attracts you and that you share things in common,
don’t limit yourself to what you think is “your
type”. After all, the “type” that you
have gone for in the past might have not worked out. Think
“outside your box”. What we often think is
“our type” is the same person we have been chasing
unsuccessfully, through one bad relationship after another, our whole
life. Even if your type was a successful relationship in the past, you
cannot repeat a relationship you once had with someone new. Unless you
date outside your box you will never know if maybe someone different
just might be your “type.”
When going over your wants,
there is the numbers trap that we need to watch out for as well.
Offline we often use the expression, “numbers don’t
lie.” However the new culture of online dating, numbers often
do lie.
For instance the harsh numbers
of weight, height and age when in black and white may make a person
appear unattractive to you online, who you would find very attractive
offline.
When we meet people in person we
don’t say,
How old are you?
How much do you weigh?
How tall are you?
How much money do you make?
In person someone may carry his
or her height, weight or age off in a very attractive manner. But when
you look at the numbers online you think too old, too heavy, too short,
too tall etc and that simply may not be the case. You have the right to
want what you want, but I tell you this so that you can allow yourself
to look past the numbers and be more open.
If you’re not finding
people that fit, try expanding your horizons. You are not making any
long-term commitment when meeting people, so be open and meet more
people and who you fall for might surprise you. So get out of your
dating box and don’t restrict yourself. Allow the incredible
opportunity of online dating to work for you. Contact and meet a lot of
people and leave yourself open to the possibilities…
About The Author
As a life coach, Devlyn
Steele has made helping people find ways to improve their lives his
personal mission and passion. He is a public consultant, a private
counselor, an author and creator of Tools To Life. He has hosted his
own radio shows called "Tools To Life" and "Love beat" and has been a
guest on over 150 various shows. You can read his articles and advice
all over the internet. Devlyn has often been referred to as "America's
Leading Life-Coach." For free E-books and more information visit
DevlynSteele.com. Send Questions To:
CoachSteele@ToolsToLife.com.
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